


Amaterasu Runs An Anime Club

by GoofyGoldenGirl



Category: The Wicked + The Divine
Genre: Anime, Anime Club, Arguing, Crack, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Funny, Gen, Humor, amaterasu is a weeb, baphomet is a dick, cassandra will take none of your bullshit, look at these nerds, poor poor minnie, the pantheon is one big dysfunctional family, woden is his own warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-30 00:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8512531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoofyGoldenGirl/pseuds/GoofyGoldenGirl
Summary: Wow. So crack. Much crack. Your waifu is trash





	

**Author's Note:**

> _Shoutout to **Allginandplatonic** **Gothshostalovich** and **Red Zora** on tumblr for idea suggestions! _

" _Konichiwa_ everyone! It is so _sugoi_ to see you!"

Amaterasu, dressed in her handmade Sailor Moon cosplay, skipped through the door and slid into a magical girl pose right in front of the screen. With a bounce of her pigtails, she tilted her head and shot the assembled Pantheon members her most kawaii-desu look, complete with a sideways peace sign. Urdr, (who prefers to be known as Cassandra) groaned, resisting the urge to facepalm from not so second hand embarrassment. Baphomet snickered. He opened his mouth to say something rude but a stern gaze from The Morrigan quickly shut him up. Innocent Minerva, who had no clue what anime or fandom even was, kept her opinion about how weird it was that anyone over the age of seven was playing dress up to herself and gave Amaterasu a smile and wave. Looming above the five in the second hand row, sat Woden. He leaned forward in his seat and stared intently at Amaterasu who ignored everyone's lesson than eager reactions and continued on with her little introduction.

"Welcome to our very first **anime club!** "

"What's anime?" Minerva piped up.

"Oh sweet summer child! No one goes through life without hearing of the animes!" Baphomet dramatically said.

"Anime is a type of animation from Japan that's very popular both in Japan and around the world. You've probably seen anime before but just don't know it. Like there's Sailor Moon---my favorite show of all time, Pokemon, Yugioh, Digimon, there's practically shows and movies for every single type of genre out there!" Amaterasu clapped her hands together like an expressive Shojo protagonist.

"I like Pokemon," Minvera said.

"So tonight I was thinking that we could go around and say what our favorite anime is and then recommend one to watch. Then we'll vote on what to watch along with the newest episode of Sailor Moon Crystal. So----Cassandra **chan!** Do you like anime?"

"Don't call me that," Urdr grumbled.

"What?" Amaterasu titled her head and cupped her ear.

"The anime industry has been milked of all its potential and now all that's left is a turd of fanservicey, unoriginal _bullshit_ because all they care about is fap material for _otakus_ ," Cassandra said with a hint of disgust in her voice. 

"I take offensive to that! Otakus like _myself_ are connoisseurs of the _art form_ that is anime my dear Cassandra **hime.** Fanservice is just one of the many _perks_ of our viewing experience," Woden arrogantly said. 

"You see my **point?** " Cassandra threw up her hands. 

"But uh what do you like?" Amaterasu asked again.

"I like _decent_ things. Like Miyazaki movies," Cassandra flatly said.

"My favorite's Howl's Moving Castle **desu!** " Amaterasu exclaimed.

Cassandra did not answer her. Amaterasu then turned towards The Morrigan.

"So what about you Morrigan **kun?** "

"Erm. I like horror anime. Like Elfen Lied, Paranoia Agent, Higurashi… Death Note's my favorite though; it was the first one I saw when I was thirteen. I was _obsessed_ with it; I got all the volumes, made amvs, I have a Light plushie, even had a death note of my own," The Morrigan replied with a smile.

"Ah _Dessu Noto,_ " Woden interrupted her. "It would have been a _stellar_ series, if only they got rid of that annoying _L_ knockoff." 

"Right now I'm watching Tokyo Ghoul which is _incredible_ But I'd recommend Elfen Lied. It's about this girl who has mutant powers and escapes from a lab where she's been held her whole life and it makes you think about what it means to be human. I cried while watching that--" The Morrigan said after glaring at Woden. 

"Elfen Lied also ranks high on my favorites list but it comes _nowhere_ close to the _masterpiece_ that is--" Woden interrupted her again.

"I was **speaking** " The Morrgian coldly spat at him. "Yes. Elfen Lied. Must watch. I'd do it again," The Morrigan concluded.

"Ok then Morrigan **kun!** How about you Baphomet **kun** "

Cassandra muttered something under her breath about _these goddamn weeabos._

"I too **love** anime," Baphomet grinned. "My top pick for tonight is a heartwarming coming of age tale that has touched an entire generation. Everyone loves a story about _self discovery,_ and _confusion_ as youths frolic during the _summertime; _especially if it has blonds in skimpy clothing. You'll never look at _ice-cream_ or _dog toys_ the same way _ever_ again!"__

__" _Baphomet!_ " The Morrigan scolded. _ _

__"That's right ladies and germs! I present to you the classic **Boku no Pico!** "_ _

__A chorus of 'no's' filled the room. Baphomet laughed as he saw everyone's (save innocent Minerva) grossed out expressions._ _

__"I'm just _kidding_ guys! We wouldn't watch _that,_ " he assured them._ _

__"Oh thank _god,_ " The Morrigan and Cassandra both said in unison._ _

__"Good. I _hate_ that yaoi _shit,_ " Woden loudly said._ _

__"Um. What's yaoi?" Minerva asked with a polite raise of her hand._ _

__But before anyone could answer her Baphomet said:_ _

__"We'd watch **Bible Black's English dub!** "_ _

__Cassandra and The Morrigan both groaned. Amaterasu awkwardly tried not to look at Baphomet who chuckled with a smirk. Woden raised his voice again._ _

__"I refuse to watch _dubs._ The only way to enjoy anime is to watch it _subbed._ "_ _

__"Uh Baphomet **kun** hentai's not allowed in the club," Amaterasu informed him._ _

__"Aw come on! That's not even _fun,_ " Baphomet complained. _ _

__"What's hentai?" Minerva asked._ _

__"Something you _shouldn't_ be watching sweet summer child," The Morrigan cryptically told her._ _

__"Not even A Time To Screw? Boku No Sexual Harassment? Temptation? Milk Money?" Baphomet listed some of the most infamous hentais out there._ _

__"I _like_ that one," Woden chimed in._ _

__"No! No hentais! None desu! !" Amaterasu clucked._ _

__"Fine. Then how about Bobobo-Bobobo?" Baphomet conceded._ _

__"That one gives me a headache," Cassandra flatly said._ _

__"Aw come on! You insult my _fav_ girl? I can't believe you guys! Bobobo-Bobobo's the _best_ If you won't go if that, then let's watch Ghost Stories' English dub---"_ _

__" **No** du--" Woden started to interrupt him._ _

__"We'll add Bobobo-Bobobobobobo to the list!" Amaterasu cut him off. "And---Woden!" No honorifics were added to his name._ _

__"Ah _finally._ I thought you would _never_ get to _me_ Amaterasu _hime_ " Woden sugarily said. _ _

__Cassandra gagged. The Morrigan rolled her eyes. Poor Minerva resisted the urge to squirm in her seat and kept her eyes focused on the screen._ _

__"Anime is a highly influential media that has changed my life," Woden began. "It all started when I was a lad when I would catch reruns of Dragon Ball and Pokemon on the television--"_ _

__Baphomet turned towards The Morrigan and mocked Woden by scrunching up his face and moving his hand like a a talking mouth. She snorted._ _

__"The pinnacle of anime is Hideaki Anno- sempai's masterpiece Neon Genesis Evangelion. Chockful of symbolism and metaphors, it is the most in depth exploration of the psyche that has ever existed---"_ _

__Minerva began to doze off. Baphomet's spot on impression reached Cassandra who also stifled a giggle. The hostess with the mostess Amaterasu was trying hard to pretend that she was listening to him._ _

__"And then of course there is Rei, who is the most graceful heroine in all---"_ _

__"Rei's **trash!** Asuka **for life!** " Baphomet shouted. _ _

__"You **shut** your mouth!" Woden angrily turned towards Baphomet and shook a fist._ _

__"Uh--uh--what about Shinji?" Amaterasu said quickly to avoid a confrontation._ _

__"Shinji's a fucking **pussy**! He just whines all the time and doesn't do **shit!** " Woden exclaimed, still roused up about Baphomet calling his waifu trash._ _

__"Oh my god. You missed the _entire_ point of the show," Cassandra said in a not so surprised tone. _ _

__"Then uh--you're saying we should watch NGE?" Amaterasu asked._ _

__"Well my dear Amaterasu, I was hoping we could watch Kill La Kill. It is very entertaining and follows the coming of age of a christ like figure---"_ _

__" **What?** " The Morrigan spun in her seat and faced Woden, half confused, half fed up. _ _

__"How the **fuck** do you come up with something like that? KLK's not some **fake deep** bullshit; it's about a girl who fights naked to avenge her **dead dad.** "_ _

__"It's **symbolism,** " Woden hissed._ _

__"Come on. Just admit you watch it for the **fanservice,** " Cassandra shot at him._ _

__"That's not **true!** " He retorted. _ _

__The shouts woke up Minerva who jolted upright in a panic. Baphomet was cracking up again as he watched Cassandra and The Morrigan pwn Woden's ass. Amaterasu stepped up, now visibly annoyed, and held up a hand._ _

__"WILL YOU **SHUT** UP?" She shouted. _ _

__That got everyone's attention. They all faced her, surprised that she, sweet and bubbly Amaterasu, possessed any emotion other than naiveté and happiness. Amaterasu took a deep breath._ _

__"Let's vote!" Amaterasu cheerfully said as she clapped her hands together again._ _

__"Um I don't know anything about these shows," Minerva said._ _

__Right on cue, the angry shouts followed:_ _

__"Kill La Kill is just a poor way to excuse gratuitous fan service!"_ _

__"Well I'm not watching Baphomet's _weird ass shit!_ "_ _

__"Kill La Kill's a _parody!_ Why are you guys _overanalyzing_ it?"_ _

__"Well what about Elfen Lied? There are naked chicks in that too!"_ _

__"Kill La Kill is one of the best animes to come out this year how _dare_ you say that!"_ _

__"Elfen Lied's art is too _moe_ too be taken seriously!" _ _

__"Do **not** insult my tastes!" _ _

__"Elfen Lied actually has _meaning_ to it! It's a _tragedy!_ "_ _

__Amaterasu cupped her ears and let out a high pitched shriek. Her pigtails swayed from side to side as the entire room began to shake. Empty chairs toppled over. Minerva plopped down on the floor. Baphomet and The Morrigan, both terrified were clinging to each other. Cassandra sat straight up in her seat, unaffected by the sudden earthquake. Fog glistened on Woden's visor._ _

__**"THAT'S IT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE I'M PICKING THE SHOWS FROM NOW!"** She finished with a gasp. She took a moment to collect herself and then piped up:_ _

__"Let's watch Sailor Moon!"_ _

__Everyone had been stunned into silence. They collectively nodded back at her._ _

********************************************************************************** 

__One overhead spotlight lit up the darkened room. Smooth jazz played in the background as Baphomet, lord of dorkiness, stepped out from the shadows._ _

__"I'm Baphomet and this---is my hentai haven," he introduced himself. "Tonight's special ladies and germ involves several soul scorching OVAS. that will set your mind and body on fire. Feel free to make as many lewd comments as you wish. We encourage it," he finished with a snarky grin._ _

__The only one sitting in the audience was Woden who placed his hands together and nodded._ _

__"I'm glad to see we have settled our differences Woden," Baphomet remarked. "So why not we get to the show?"_ _

__Baphomet pressed play on the computer and the animated porn started to play. Woden excitedly leaned in but recoiled as soon as five seconds passed._ _

__"What is this shit?" He pointed at the screen._ _

__"This shit is hentai!" Baphomet exclaimed._ _

__"But this isn't _my_ type of shit; where are my chicks with huge tits, harems, roboslaves, and lolis?" Woden whined. _ _

__"Hah! This is _my_ turf bro! I only watch _tentacle porn_ Lots and **lots** of it!" Baphomet manically cackled. It filled the entire room; drowning out the B movie sound effects, and high pitched moans coming from the screen._ _


End file.
